I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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