I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
