last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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