...so i touched it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
