tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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