The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
