I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
