i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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