Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
