Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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