shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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