Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat