So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
