just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
