i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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