the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
someone owes me an orgasm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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