I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
