Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
