Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
