She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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