Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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