I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I chose taco bell over sex...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"