Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil