Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.

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(765): View more from Indiana

how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(949): View more from California

You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.

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(415): View more from California

Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.

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(702): View more from Nevada

This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag

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