I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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