Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
True strength comes from lack of pants