i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
