My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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