He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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