capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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