sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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