Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
