Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
