I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
