Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
