I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
