Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
