i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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