Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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