We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
