I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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