Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
