On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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