sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
