yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
