i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
