OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We need a shit load of segways right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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