Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
