"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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