Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
