Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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