Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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