You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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