I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
