Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
