My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
