I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
