why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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