i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
