is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
