And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
