He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
