I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize