she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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