She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
