sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
