Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
