mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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