i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
