fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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