This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
