Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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