How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
