I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
