Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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