I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
