A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
