i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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