Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.