I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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