i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"