Whod you bang
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
