why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it hurts more in the daytime
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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