all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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