as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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