I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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