I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
