When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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