He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
